#946: Senator Potato Head

Were it not that Alabama’s senior senator Tommy Tuberville is single-handedly holding up Senate approval of virtually tens of dozens of Generals, Colonels and Admirals to lead the nation’s military, he might easily be the butt of every late-night talk show host not currently picking up a paycheck from Fox, Newsmax or OAN. But what he is doing is far from funny. In matter of fact, he is engaged in one of the most dangerous, mindless and thoroughly unpatriotic of all political ploys in the nation’s history. What’s gotten the Alabama football coach-turned-senator particularly obstructive and petulant is the Pentagon’s decision to reimburse female service members for travel-related abortion expenses, as many of them are stationed in states that are hostile to reproductive rights. Not only that, he is demanding that these women be confined to base and be disallowed from traveling to another state where abortion is still practicable.

Because the overwhelming majority of upper-echelon military promotions are approved by unanimous consent in the Senate, if even one senator objects, the whole process is derailed. Tuberville has flatly stated that if senators don’t like his unilateral move they can always vote on each separate officer . . . by on-the-record voice votes . . . which would take months to achieve. For decades, all these vacancies have been filled within a few minutes, thus saving time for the senate to engage in other serious business.

Because of the senator’s “feet-in-concrete” position - putting abortion ahead of America’s military readiness at a critical time in history - the United States Marine Corps will be without a Commandant for the first time in 164 years . . . since before the Civil War. The last time the Marine Corps was left without an acting commandant was in 1859, when Archibald Henderson, the fifth commandant of the Marines, died at 76 without a successor in place.

Marine Corps Commandant Gen. David Berger officially retired on this past Monday, leaving Assistant Commandant Gen. Eric Smith as the acting commandant and leader of the military branch until he is confirmed in the Senate.

It’s unclear when Smith could be confirmed. Tuberville’s hold on the Pentagon nominees, which he began in March to protest the Defense Department’s new abortion policy, shows no signs of weakening, even as the block has sparked bipartisan frustration. In addition to the Commandant’s position, there is that of Joint Chiefs of Staff; Gen. Mark Milley, the current chairman, who retires in September. As of late June, Tuberville’s hold was nearing the beginning of its sixth month. Talk about obduracy!

In a piece he (or a member of his staff or one of his financial supporters) wrote and published in The Washington Post, the former Ole Miss (1995-1998) and Auburn (1999-2008) head coach tried to defend his much maligned move in stating “Acting officials are in each one of the positions that are due for a promotion. The hold affects only those at the very top — generals and flag officers. The people who actually fight are not affected at all.” This statement all but proves that Tuberville is the dimmest bulb in the lamp, for not only are all those “who actually fight” without official leadership; they are denied the 5.2% pay raise guaranteed in the Defense Department appropriation bill, which is now larded with anti-abortion amendments, thus guaranteeing it will never pass the Senate.

And what’s more, between 5,000 to 7,400 active-duty service members or civilians employed by the DoD (Department of Defense) have an abortion each year, according to the RAND Corporation. And following the overturning of Roe v. Wade, 40 percent of active-duty female service members live in states where abortion care is unavailable or severely restricted. That’s roughly 18 percent of the active duty military in this country. On top of that, the U.S. military is plagued by alarming levels of sexual assault. So if one happen to stationed in a state with an abortion ban—which may or may not have rape exceptions—the help with travel expenses could be life-changing.

The press has been reporting on Tommy Tuberville’s political shortcomings ever since he first threw his hat into the ring back in 2019. At his first post-election interview, he misidentified the three branches of the federal government (he said they were “House, Senate and Executive”), claimed erroneously that World War II was a battle against socialism, and wrongly asserted that former Vice President Al Gore was president-elect for 30 days. Up until defeating incumbent Senator Doug Jones, he was best known for having defeated in-state rival University of Alabama football team six times in a row and being named Walter Camp Coach of the Year in 2004. But now, he is getting to be even better known for waging his one-man war against the Department of Defense - at what cost and what purpose no one knows for sure.

Despite both his fame on the gridiron and infamy in the U.S. Senate, there is still some uncertainty as to the correct pronunciation of his last name: is it "Tubber-ville” or Tuber-ville?” I’ve heard both. I rather prefer the latter, (Tuber-ville). The first doesn’t work so well; he is anything but physically out of shape. When it comes to mental acuity, he is more like the tuber - a potato or yam or huti huti. Hence the nickname with which I’ve chosen to endow him: “Senator Potato Head.”

Despite this, the senior senator from Alabama (the junior being Katie Boyd Britt) is no laughing matter; he is a man to be extremely wary of. For not only has he chosen to place a partisan political roadblock in the path of the nation’s military; he has chosen to put service to a sectarian religious creed over service to an historic need . . . namely, keeping the Army, Navy, Marine Corps and Merchant Marine far away from politics. And what’s worse, he has also declared that to be a White Christian Nationalist serving in the military is the sign of a patriot.

How very much like a greasy French fry.