I Don't Care!
(Note: Lest any of you, my dear, constant readers, think that yours truly is in serious need of a frontal lobotomy, please understand that this week’s piece is serious [though silly] satire. Were it hand-written, the ink would be purely acidic . . . the penmanship of the anonymous troll, nearly indecipherable.)
Herschel Walker (R) and Sen. Raphael Warnock (D)
Less than a week ago, it was revealed that Herschel Walker the Republican nominee for the United States Senate from the great state of Georgia got a woman pregnant, and actually paid for her abortion back in 2009. At first, Walker, the former gridiron great, denied knowing the woman and categorically denied any and all charges. Then it came out that not only had he written out a personal check in the amount of $700.00 for the abortion, but that he actually has a child by this woman. Now mind you, Mr. Walker is a staunchly pro-life MAGA Republican who proudly carries an endorsement from none other than FPOTUS, Donald J. Trump. And you had better believe that ultra-left Democrats and their liberal media buddies have been calling Mr. Walker - who believes that life begins at conception - a hypocrite. They are doing everything in their power to convince Georgia voters that Walker should resign from the race . . . thus ceding victory to the incumbent, Senator Raphael Warnock.
Well, as a staunchly anti-abortion MAGA Republican - one who firmly believes that abortion for ANY reason whatsoever is murder - I have but one thing to say about the Walker revelation: I DON’T CARE! It’s not that I think the lamestream media is making all this up about Herschel . . . I JUST DON’T CARE!! I believe deeply in the sanctity of life and oppose all abortions – except for this one, which I will accept to prevent it from costing my party control of the Senate. As a fellow writer noted the other day, “I don’t care if Walker oversaw the construction of a moon-size space station that blew up the 2-billion-person planet of Alderaan, then later got in an argument with his son and chopped his right hand off . . . We have to secure that Georgia Senate seat so we can stop President Joe Biden’s immoral agenda!“ I’m going to have to side with Walker on this abortion issue and give him a Mulligan, because I want my party in power and believe it’s a sin to use the word “hypocrisy.”
Back in the day when I was a card carrying Commie (well, actually a garden variety liberal), I remember reading the epic Anglo Saxon poem Beowulf and coming across a character known as “the monster Grundel,” who was described as “accursed of God, the destroyer and devourer of our human kind.” I’m sure that any of those accursed, overly-educated libtards who have read it will presume that Grundel is really Herschel in disguise . . . . “a walker in darkness," who is "wearing God's anger" and "lacking in joy" because he has inherited the curse the Biblical Cain. Shows you how much these educated twits think they know!
It bothers me not a whit electing Herschel Walker to the United States Senate despite the fact that even he has no idea of how many children he has fathered, has admitted to having a violent streak and having suffered from bi-polar disorder. . . or that he, like our once-and-forever POTUS doesn’t always tell the truth . . . . just so long as his election allows Mitch McConnel to replace Chuck Schumer as Senate Majority Leader and elevates Marco Rubio to the Chairmanship of the Senate Intelligence Committee (this assumes that he defeats Rep. Val Demings for reelection . . . and everyone knows that Demings, who was a uniformed cop for more than a quarter-century and served 4 years as Sheriff of Orange County [Orlando] supports defunding the police and is squishy soft on crime.
If there could be background music to this screed of mine, it would be that wonderful song sung by Judy Garland in The Good Old Summertime (MGM, 1949), simply entitled I DON’T CARE! Originally written in 1905 with words by John Lennox and music by Harry O. Sutton for Eva Tanguay (1878-1946), “The girl who made vaudeville famous,” its opening lyrics express to a “T” precisely how I am feeling about the seeming inconsistencies of such god-fearing MAGA Republicans as Herschel Walker, Marco Rubio, Matt Gaetz. Lauren Boebert and Lindsey Graham:
They say I'm crazy
Got no sense
But I don't care
They may or may not mean offense
But I don't care
You see, I'm sort of independent
I am my own superintendent
And my star is on the ascendent
That's why I don't care
I don't care, I don't care
What they may think of me
I'm happy-go-lucky, they say that I'm plucky
Contented and carefree
I don't care I don't care
If I do get a mean and stony stare
If I'm not successful
It won't be distressful
Cause I don't care . . . .
It really doesn’t matter one iota to us MAGA folks how many twice- and thrice-divorced, AK-47 toting, closet-hiding Republicans proclaim themselves to be to be the purest of the pure. I DON’T CARE! . . . just so long as they take back the House and Senate. We pine and pray for the day when the Speaker’s gravel is handed over to Ohio Representative “Gym” Jordan (who will be replacing that spineless, wimpy RINO Kevin McCarthy); we will cheer his first two acts: (1) making Marjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz committee chairs and (2) eliminating the Jan. 6th Committee.
Like the many Republicans who’ve rushed in to stick up for Walker in the wake of the abortion news, I DON’T CARE if the former football star is an ancient, trans-dimensional, shape-shifting entity of pure evil that takes the form of a clown named Pennywise and terrorizes a small town in Maine. I want control of the Senate, and I’m sure Walker regrets any past desire to feed on humans.
Listen up: there’s only ONE issue that should matter this November . . . and November 2024: putting an end to the Democrat Party. Winning at any cost is the thing. And, if we lose, we will proclaim that victory was stolen.
Anything else . . . I DON’T CARE!!
Copyright©2022 Kurt F. Stone